EXit Wounds
by Damned Caeli
Summary: Integra reflects...Alucard comforts. As usual AxI ^_^ Pls. Review!!!!
1. Default Chapter

Author's Blah: Hah! Sorry for not updating. It's just that well, I have no perfect excuse expect maybe for writer's frustration (if I am really a writer) . Well, actually, I am feeling pretty low these past few days meaning I am not my usual chatty nonsensical humorous self.  But don't worry, a pitcher of iced coffee will remedy all do this…hmmm… if only my mom would let me.

         Don't worry, this is just maybe a 3 part fic and I might be able to finish it within a week. The theme of the fic matches my mood well so …

         Anyways, hope you will enjoy this..  Hey, wanna know why I am not updating? Try damnedcaeli.easyjournal.com/

         What else? Oh, I dedicate this fic to the following people, **Alucard-the-Hellsing-vampire, Freefall Insanity,Mily,Kestinstewart, JadOo, Shinji-Ikari,**** ladydicatator, Sephiroth1Ripley8, LSR-7, diefbaby **and so much more. My PC crashed so I lost some files and the e-mailed reviews. SOWEEE! But if ever I recover them, I'll thank you!

For emphasis this is for **MILY **and the bastard **PISH ** who stomped on my pride ^_^;;;

         Pls. Review. It sucks but there's still some effort on it ehehehhehe

Disclaimer: Hellsing not mine. Merely borrowing it. Not gaining anything from this, just more loneliness, more misery… can you sue me for that?

         **_EXIT WOUNDS_**

         I tire from all these.

         Everything in this world sickens me to the point where I experience remorse because I live, because I feel, because I am…me, myself, I am this creature who kills, who strives on the death of the others, a creature who devours hate, who loves to hate, a creature that is all hate.

         Hate.

         I look at the mirror now and see a monster hiding underneath human skin. Touching my cheek, I feel cold skin, soft human skin but underneath it all, this bag of flesh covers a deceptive monster, a beast with empty eyes and soul, the real me.

         Pressing my palms against the smooth surface of the mirror, I hid myself from my very own eyes. Bitterly, I turn away to walk back to the coldness of my room where I hear voices of the past, the present and the future haunting me.

         I am not afraid of them at all. In fact, I welcome them. Their persistent cries lulls me to sleep and assures me before I surrender to slumber that I am still human despite it all. At least I hear them, somehow I hear them.

         Returning to my bed, I let my body be swallowed by the softness of the mattress. My body instinctively curls trying to warm itself. But it never will. The coldness I feel stems not from what can be blatantly remedied but from the inner wounds that won't heal. The wintriness I feel is my twin, a long time friend destined to embrace me freezing hatred, freezing pain.

         And today, it froze once again a portion of my soul.

         I killed a girl, no more than six years old from a mission outside the city. She was bitten by a vampire and was on its last phase of transformation. Naturally, I did what I had to do but not before letting the young girl in her last few remnants of consciousness cling to me and beg for her mother's rescue.

         With a touch and a whisper, I assured her and she painfully surrendered to the madness and after that I shot her.

         I held her as long as I can, feeling the warmth seep out of her small body and at that moment I felt a sense of accomplishment. I've saved her, I've rescued her from a certain madness and I've saved her mother grief.

         Moments later, a woman came running towards me and I could only stare as the woman grabbed the lifeless body of the girl from my arms and weep.

         She was the child's mother.

         The woman bitterly engulfed the girl in an embrace and rocked her back and forth.

         "It's ok baby… mommy's here. Mommy's here." She repeated again and again.

         "She's dead." I suddenly blurted out I covered my mouth too late. Why I uttered that, I do not know. Maybe because I tire from seeing people everyday miserably warming the cold and hard bodies of their loved ones Or maybe because I simply felt remorse knowing that they're hoping for the impossible and maybe because I do not want them to suffer anymore and face the reality that death has already taken their loved ones away…

         I just do not know.

         The woman gently laid her dead child on the snow and came to me. Somehow, I stood frozen there, challenging the hatred. I marveled at it, I grew astounded seeing the reflection in her twin orbs that hate and I mix so well, blend so beautifully.

         The strike of her hand on my face was unexpected yet welcomed. The stinging sensation jolted me back to reality and jolted the coldness departing from me. All emotion that might have taken over were chilled to the very roots to the point where I feel nothing; nothing but the numbness of my limbs, numbness of my lips and the numbness of my heart.

         "Murderer!" She spat out and she was about to strike me again, if Alucard hadn't stopped her in time. She backed away, the resentment still glittering in her eyes. 

         "I've heard about you and you bring nothing but death!" She whispered lethally.

         "But those deaths spared other lives, just like yours." I finally retorted back, my voice calm, cold and calculated.

         "Sometimes people just don't wish to be spared especially if the ones they're living for died."

         The words made me laugh. I looked at her as though she had lost her mind.

         TBC


	2. letter not an update

I am just so sorry. This is not an update of some sort. But well I guess this is a good thing because I am here to finalize what you guys really want. I've been getting some e-mails lately demanding this fic or that fic to be updated. Guys, I really am sorry for being such a lazy ass for writing then leaving them suspended. As a result, I will give you guys a choice. You can e-mail me or reply through this concerning which among the fic you want me to update.

Oh, if I am not updating you can see through this damnedcaeli.easyjournal.com/

Caeli


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